Y Wednesday, September 13, 2006Y
6:35 PM
.... last nite was the first msg i gave him after some time of silence ... msg was " wont want to lose him , but i cant bring myself to fall in love with him "... he replied within secs ... and replied " hmmm ..." questinoned him back , " interesting huh .... look into the msg as it has a deep meaning behind it " .. again he replied " what am i trying to saydirectly ?? " ... being straightforward , i replied " wont want to lose u , but again i cant bring myself to have feelings for him ... " in the end he replied saying that he love the gd news but not the bad one ... so what choice am i left with now ... i couldnt possibly turned the liking i have for him into LOVE ... im still standing in ma grounds ... getting the facts rite ... aint supposed to change the reality ... hits me hard on the brain *like duh* ...
after all the silence and some things that happened b/n me & him , am sure i miss talking to him ... listening to all his craps ... even though sometimes he do irritate me in a way , but still that doesnt stop me to like him .... the character that he has , sort of win me over ... i aint tryin to create a diff b/n him and beau ... beau will always be beau , he still do have a special place in ma heart ... but i cant possibly contradict the situation im facing rite now , wit him .... at times , when i sit down , thinking about it , makes me tell maself that what im attracted to = is jus a game of love in which im being tested .... but u know emotions come uninvited ... am i wrong to like him in a way ???
flashbacks to what this someone told me , " control ur emotions , hold on to the objective ... " this being , me and him are jus frens , keep it to office hours , 5 days a week ... once off office hours , ure what u r in reality , which im attached ... *should ring the bell* ... so now , im putting maself in a spot ... and im stucked , i aint know hell how to get out from it ... *YA ALLAH , give me the courage and keep my faith strong* ...
this afternoon , we did msg each other ... and its got worse ... i mean , directly he was telling me that he has begun to accept the fact , and did ask me to be happy wit my loved one ... this itchy fingers replied to that " even though im happy with my loved one , u will still be in ma thoughts " ... yet again i replied " keep it close to ur heart and always to ur thoughts , as i shall never be out of ur life , as this is what we have started with , and shall not come to an end ... " ... *told ma best bud .. she told me that i was bad ... but its done* ... so till now , there's silence b/n us yet again ... must be he's lost for words *speechless* ... what have i done *slaps cheeks hard* ... *frustrated yet smiling* .... now im missing his msgs ....
btw someone sang to me this song " diriku pun sudah berpunya kekasih hati , tak mungkin tukar ganti ... walaupun kau datang dalam khayalan ... carilah pengganti agar kau gembira lagi ... " ... hate this song ... i still don want to lose him but yet again , reminding maself that i cant bring maself to fall in love with him ... *arrggghhhhh* ...
am now putting this to a hault ... will update once thoughts cleared ... *again frustrations are being felt* ...........
