Y Friday, September 22, 2006Y
3:15 PM
im feeling rather down since yesterday ... guess now , facts are beau and me have gone into separation for the time being ... let jus time explain everything ... *tearing* ... im drained of all strength ... emotionally and mentally tired ... it seems that the ship of love has sinked ... aint no way of seeing it sailing as what it used to ... it ended yesterday ... when both of us made the decision to separate ... giving us all the time and space to sort our thoughts ... *time will explain everything and heal the wound* ... this was his last msg to me " I will jus lead my simple life as per normal . U take care of urself baby , don overstress with work as im not always there for u at work and home . I still do luv and miss u . " *tearing again* ...
dissappointment is felt ... its sad to know , that a r'ship of 3 years plus has to end this way ... *speechless* ... am hoping that , all this time he has will be an eye-opener for him ... considering all the sacrifices i have done , effort & initative i have put into the r'ship ... am thinking , maybe i failed to be the best that i can for his happiness ... but yet again , this r'ship needs both of us ... hence the reason why i cant take this much longer ... watching maself sacrificing ma feelings , emotions , happiness for the one who choose not to appreciate it ...
am not saying he's bad and he doesnt , but its jus not enuf for the r'ship to work ... expectations on ma are more , but vice-versa am not supposed to ... this aint fair at all ... it has to be equal ... i have supressed ma feeling for far too long now ... so here im letting it all out ...
" B , im feeling the lost as much as u do .. but there's nothing more i can do to save whats already sunk ... i hope this separation will give u a chance to search ur inner self ... if there's a chance for us to be together like we use to be , we have to make sure that , us both are a changed person ... changed meaning not being another person , but a better individual for the sake of our happiness ... for now , im emotionally & mentally tired ... this is the limit i have reached to sacrifice all for ur happiness , whereas inside im not happy at all ... i have lost my happiness for far too long ... so im in search for my happiness now ... what the future holds for us , i shall leave in the hands of ALLAH ... if we're fated for each other , insyaallah we can start planning for a future together ... but if not , im praying that ALLAH will keep me strong to move on with life . without u by my side ... this goes the same for u ... changed urself for the best of ur future ... once again insyaallah there's a blessing to what has happen ... till then , u will still have a special place in my heart ... cant deny that i miss u badly , but am facing it with strength and faith ... Till fate brings us together , or we shall go on with our lives without each other ... *tearing* .... "
~Ya allah , berilah ku kekuatan diri ... tenangkan lah hatiku ... sesungguhnya ku pasrah dan ku serahkan segalanya padamu ... senadainya apa yang terjadi adalah terbaik untuk ku dan dia , berkatilah hidup kami pada masa depan ... insyaallah ... *tearing badly...*~
~Mungkin ALLAH mahukan aku mulakan satu kehidupan yang lebik baik dari sekarang ... Seharusnya aku harus menerima Qada' dan Qadar ini ... ~
~seandainya jodoh antara aku dan dia , aku terima ... seandainya tiada , ku pasrah dan redha~
